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Allie and I have been watching a friends cat.  We recently got word that we will be adopting him.  I’ve referenced said cat many a time in random blog posts and twitter updates and yadda yadda.  His name is Louie.  Or and I usually type it Lou-E.  You know, like Wall-E.  Cute right?…  Yea, anyway.

I hate cats.  Always have.  They are demonic little creatures that think they own you, not the other way around.  But…this cat is the most unique cat I’ve ever encountered.  He is very affectionate, and loves to be beaten.  That’s right.  Beaten.  Smacked on his back-side to be specific.  He locks up and goes into kitty bliss when you slap him repeatedly on the butt.  It’s funny as hell and never gets old.  Plus, it gives me a solid reason to beat the piss out of a cat, and not have PETA called on me.*  I give you this little back story, to really show you how this next part is so unusual, given my predisposition to hating cats.  Lou-E has softened me up a bit.

Lou-E does his kitty business in hit litter box, no problem.  It stinks to hell, but no problems with him peeing on peoples stuff.  I’ve heard a lot of people complaining about cats doing things like that.  He does however…forget to wipe from  time to time.  He’s got a case of the dingle berry’s.  So I think to myself:  ”That must suck…wonder if he’ll let me wipe his bottom”.  So, Allie and I are in bed, and here comes Lou-E with his poopy cat butt-hole.  I go to the bathroom, and get some TP, and dampen it with some water.  Warm water of course.  I’m no savage.  Allie scoops him up and points his butt at my face, and I give it a couple swirls with the ‘ole butt tissue.  Keeping my distance of course, not knowing what I might encounter.  He didn’t seem to mind, but I didn’t get the surface anomalies.  So he lays down, and I lift his tail and give it the same circular motion, hoping to loosen up his crusty hitchhikers.  He proceeds to do an almost “running man” motion with his hind legs.  His front legs stiffen up, and his back legs started to tread water.  His ears poked up and his gaze was strait ahead.  And after all that.  Couldn’t get him all cleard up.

I think I’m going to give it another go tomorrow.  But I’ve come to at least 1 conclusion.  Lou-E is a freak, and loves to be beaten and have his butt hold played with.

* I would never really harm an animal.  I don’t eat animals, and I respect their existence.  This slapping on the behind action is totally horse-play and I am in no way actually harming the cat.